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Is it your lying, cheating ex-husband?
Your sadistic high school gym teacher?
Your boss who loves to humiliate people in meetings?
The colleague who stole your idea and passed it off as her own?
In the pages of The Sociopath Next Door, you will realize that your ex was not just misunderstood. He’s a sociopath. And your boss, teacher, and colleague? They may be sociopaths too.
We are accustomed to think of sociopaths as violent criminals, but in The Sociopath Next Door, Harvard psychologist Martha Stout reveals that a shocking 4 percent of ordinary people—one in twenty-five—has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in twenty-five everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt.
How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They’re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others’ suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win.
The fact is, we all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already. Part of the urgency in reading The Sociopath Next Door is the moment when we suddenly recognize that someone we know—someone we worked for, or were involved with, or voted for—is a sociopath. But what do we do with that knowledge? To arm us against the sociopath, Dr. Stout teaches us to question authority, suspect flattery, and beware the pity play. Above all, she writes, when a sociopath is beckoning, do not join the game.
It is the ruthless versus the rest of us, and The Sociopath Next Door will show you how to recognize and defeat the devil you know. | | | Product Details: | | | Average Customer Rating:
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Average Customer Review:
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595 of 612 found the following review helpful:
 This book is your "vaccination" or "insurance policy" against sociopaths - a must read!Dec 17, 2005
By Groovy Vegan
I've written many five-star reviews, but never have I been so motivated to try to convince everyone to read the book. Here's why: one in twenty-five Americans is a sociopath, a figure psychologist Martha Stout obtained from three journal articles and a U.S. government source. Assuming this premise of The Sociopath Next Door is correct, or even if the figure is say one in 50, odds are you know at least one sociopath. He or she could be an abusive partner, the person in the next cubicle at work, your landlord, or the person your teenager is dating. Even if you can't think of sociopath you know, you have high odds of encountering one. Given the havoc even one sociopath can wreak in one's life, this book provides a sort of insurance that you'll be able to identify him or her and deal with that person so they don't harm you emotionally, financially, or in any other way. This is a well-written and well-researched book that I think will benefit the 96% of you who are not sociopaths.
To gain the benefits of "sociopath insurance" there are three portions of the book I believe are crucial for you to read: (1) the discussion of what is a sociopath along with her stories illustrating the different types of sociopaths, (BTW, those stories would make fine literary short stories with Stout's descriptive language and suspense building.) (2) Stout's "Thirteen Rules For Dealing With Sociopaths in Everyday Life", and (3) the discussion of how good people with consciences end up allowing sociopathic leaders to rise to power and do horrific acts. If you read just these sections and skip all the philosophical discussions about sociopaths, you will still gain a lot from this book.
One of the first topics covered is what a sociopath is. Stout gives us both the official diagnostic version from the American Psychiatric Association's DSM IV (their diagnostic manual) as well as a sort of "street guide" of what to look for. Essentially, a sociopath will glibly lie, charm and use others, without a moment's remorse over hurting anyone. They're often, but not always, more charismatic, charming and sexy than the average person. Take murderer Scott Peterson for example (although Stout didn't mention him): Women found him quite attractive and charming, and were quick to believe his lies. Most sociopaths are not murderers, (soley because they don't want to get caught and go to prison) but will still wreak havoc lying, stealing, and manipulating people.
After learning how to identify sociopaths, Stout's "Thirteen Rules for DealingWith Sociopaths in Everyday Life" (p.156 - 162) are a MUST-READ and worth the price of the book. All the rules are important. To paraphrase several: Rule 2 - If your gut tells you a person is untrustworthy, even if it's in contrast with their high standing in society such as a doctor or community leader, go with your gut feeling. Rule 3 is the "Rule of Threes." If a person breaks one promise, it may be a misunderstanding. If they break two, there may be a serious mistake. But if they break three promises, you're dealing with a liar. Strike three they're out-count your losses and leave ASAP. Stout advises "do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer." Rule 8 states, "The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is to avoid him, to refuse any kind of contact or communication." Remember that sociopaths, like leopards, don't change their spots.
One other MUST-READ section of the book is the discussion on how good people allow sociopaths to rise to positions of authority and to do bad things. To understand this, Stout explains the Milgram experiment which began in 1961 - 62. I won't describe the experiment here, but if you're not familiar with it, I strongly encourage you to google "Milgram experiment" and read about it. As a psychology major in the 1980s, I watched footage of this experiment, which was so powerful, I remember it like it was yesterday. Stout's discussion of the Milgram experiment will show you how the public can all too easily be swayed by people in authority such as charismatic leaders and demagogues. Reading this discussion will help you understand why Rule #4, "Question Authority" is not just an old hippy slogan, but crucial.
Much of the rest of the book contains all sorts of interesting, well-reasoned discussions on many facets of sociopathy: Do sociopaths know they're sociopaths? Is sociopathy caused by heredity, environment or both, and if both, to what extent each? What are the theories of sociopathy from clinical psychology, evolutionary psychology and theology? Given sociopaths never feel guilty, do they have happier lives than the rest of us? (Stout's answer is a resounding "no!") Why do some cultures have (or appear to have) more sociopaths than others? One great thing about these discussions is that Stout doesn't immediately come out and tell the reader what she thinks. Instead, she firsts asks probing thought questions as if you were a student in one of her classes, encouraging you to reason these issues out for yourself. She always gives her opinion by the end, however. These discussions answered most of my questions about sociopaths (and created some new ones!), but was not the most valuable part of the book for me.
Bottom Line: I wish everyone would read this book, particularly people in the dating world meeting strangers. If you always remember on the front burner of your brain that about 4% of people are sociopaths and follow the 13 rules, you're far less likely to be hurt by them.
142 of 145 found the following review helpful:
The evil among us...Apr 23, 2007
By C. Middleton
This text is a lucid study of those individuals who seem to be born without a moral conscience, and as Stout elegantly points out throughout this narrative, one in twenty-five Americans are considered sociopath, causing havoc, heartache, destroyed careers, and the death of many people either directly or indirectly.
The single argument in this highly accessible thesis, the one that is down-right astonishing, (though not so after reading the reasons why) is that most of us "instinctively" know when there is a sociopath in our midst, but more often refuse to intellectually or rationally call them for what they are...why? The reason is that we would prefer to believe that the human being is fundamentally good, and pure evil is something rare or something beyond our day to day reality. On the contrary, there are people who move through their lives without a hint of guilt for their acts of harm.
The sociopath's motivation is ultimately selfish and life for them is one big game, a contest about winning at any cost. This is a frightening notion, but after reading this book, you will more than likely recognize someone in your past or currently in your life that has all the characteristics of a sociopath, and come to understand how and why your life is not the way it should be going and the reason for your general unhappiness.
Martha Stout's "composite" case histories are enlightening as she presents us with varied `types' of sociopaths from the homicidal & verbally abusive to the dead beat and covert destroyer of many lives.
One of the more interesting sociopath profiles is the case of "Dr." Doreen Littlefield, a psychologist working at a reputable hospital. Doreen isn't beautiful but has a good body and uses it to her advantage. She is the type of sociopath with a highly covetous nature, willing to annihilate any person that has some thing she doesn't have and desires. Manipulative, dishonest and cunning, Dr. Littlefield interferes with another doctor's handsome patient because the patient is good looking and her colleague is one of the star psychologists on staff. She deliberately caves the patient in, sending him off to the padded cell to simply make her fellow psychologist look bad. Other deceptions, of course, are planted carefully in order to hide her tracks. However, in the end, it is truly shocking that a person would engage in such immoral behaviour without feeling a shed of guilt.
Plainly stated and argued gracefully, the sociopath does not possess an aspect which most people have that make us legitimately human, and that is an actualized conscience - a voice, a feeling that guides us to do the right action, and not hurt our fellow human beings...
What is also extremely helpful is the chapter "Thirteen Rules for Dealing with Sociopaths in Everyday Life."
The Sociopath Next Door is a text for just about anyone interested in how evil, real evil operates and how to deal with them.
483 of 509 found the following review helpful:
Lyrical, engaging, astonishing and useful book.Feb 09, 2005
By James A. Nathan
"Former diplomat, writer, reviewer"
Stout writes with striking lyric sensitivity and grace about those who have no ability to feel love, remorse, guilt, or joy. Oddly these are some of the most engaging people we will ever meet. Sociopaths, Stout tells us, are as ordinary as a virus. An intimate association with a sociopath carries its own warranty of being a party to a train wreck. Sociopaths can feign every kind of emotion; yet they know but feral pleasures. Sociopaths find rewards in the hunt. Their joys are in conquest and winning. They understand love, but can't feel it. Hence, sociopaths are condemned like the Flying Dutchman of legend to cruise the shoals of real emotion as distant observers, never finding the safe harbor of family, lasting friendship, or love. Stout's work is especially useful for victims. Those who have experienced a sociopath-- a neighbor who seems to thrive on a campaign of sabotaging our relationships and those of our children, a family member who never feels remorse, a boss who takes odd pleasure in demeaning workers and takes credit for our best ideas, a lover who can never be wholly pleased, but works instead to bedevil-- will recognize Stout's finely etched portraits. From this riveting book we can now know the distressing ordinariness of our experience. There is always comfort in finding a name for what is rightfully seen as an unsettling; or, as it is in some sociopathic iterations ---[eg, the Ted Bundys of the world]-- a terrifying encounter. For the rest of us, this book is a graceful, haunting, and carefully crafted admonition that evil is all too common; and it is carried within those charming, bright, accomplished, seductive, and dangerous people we all know, or will. Stout's effort is a stunning literary achievement: a seamless blend of moral philosophy and science rendered into a uniquely accessible, compelling, and useful handbook for our times.
80 of 86 found the following review helpful:
 A mixed bagJan 14, 2008
By Cookbook Gal
"Cookbook Gal"
This book is really a mixed bag. In the plus column, the author's anecdotes and statistics are tremendously useful when it comes to identifying these people in your life. She explains that the overwhelming majority of sociopaths are NOT Ted Bundy serial killer types, just extremely successful parasites, uncannily adept at seeking out the vulnerable, or at disabling common sense in others. She explains that they can be very difficult to identify, but notes that if she had to pick one consistent warning sign, it would be that they play the victim card very early, hoping to stir up sympathy and compassion. The author also advises us not to engage sociopaths or to think that we can beat them at their own game. By definition, they lack the conscience that may inhibit the behavior of non-sociopaths.
The problems with the book: the author keeps scratching the surface, chapter after chapter, and I found myself wishing she would have gone just a bit more in-depth, instead of simply relating anecdotes. As another reviewer mentioned, she also criticizes the military, and the West as a breeding ground for sociopaths, in comparison to the East. One wonders if she ever heard of Mao, Pol Pot, etc. I don't recall seeing any scientific support for these broad-based assertions, and she would have been better served to leave her political and social biases out of this book, and kept her eyes on the ball.
83 of 92 found the following review helpful:
I Wish I'd had this book soonerFeb 09, 2006
By Self-Educated Mama
"SEM"
If I had, perhaps my daughter would still be alive. We thought her boyfriend was just an idiot, one who got stranger and more jealous and possessive over time, but an idiot, nonetheless - now we find out he's a full-fledged sociopath, meeting all seven of the diagnostic criteria. It even looks like he'll get away with her murder and keep the children. It's hard to articulate how hopeless and helpless we feel at this point. He has all the rights, though he has done all of the wrongs.
This book should be required reading for every mother and daughter. Until we know what we are up against, we cannot fight it. These people are parasites, who feed off the self-esteem, finances, sanity and even the very lives of their victims. If fortunate, the victim ends up with destroyed credit and emotional fallout. If unfortunate, like my daughter, they end up losing their lives at the hands of these very clever people, who have an explanation for everything. My maternal rage knows no bounds, yet I cannot act on it, as I am law-abiding, unlike the person who has become my nemesis.
I've read many of these books since my daughter met her sad fate and this is by far the best. Please, please protect yourself and your family against these totally amoral people. Remember - we are simply amateurs in trying to discern how these minds operate - they are pros, having been at this their entire lives, fooling their victims, their families, even the police.
A person with a conscience finds it very hard to understand what approaches true evil - yet that is what these people are, whether they are two bit hustlers or tyrants like Idi Amin. They are evil, if we want to quantify it morally. Evil without any hope of redemption. It's just a matter of the power they eventually attain, whether they destroy families or nations.
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